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Not What I Expected: Help and Hope for Parents of Atypical Children
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Review
"Though parenting any child can be demanding, pediatric neuropsychologist Eichenstein understands that particular challenges face the parents of “atypical” children, identified in this helpful manual as those who have “developmental, psychological, or learning disorders” or exhibit problematic behavior. She explains the neurobiology behind the feelings commonly experienced by such parents, including loss, denial, anger, bargaining, and depression, illustrated with relatable stories of the families with whom she’s worked. Eichenstein strongly counsels readers to trust the experts when it comes to diagnoses, remediation, and treatment. For her part, she offers therapeutic tools derived from cognitive psychology and her own long practice. She also addresses a range of pediatric disorders, including ADHD, autism, intellectual disability, and OCD. Her tone throughout maintains the “patient, positive, and optimistic outlook” that she wants to help parents cultivate. Indeed, any parent might benefit from the techniques outlined here. Sage and consistently reassuring, Eichenstein’s manual is a self-help book of the best kind, a road map for an emotionally fraught journey that illustrates how parenting itself can become an avenue for personal growth."—Publishers Weekly, starred review"A superb book. Chock full of arresting insights as well as warmth and wisdom." —Edward Hallowell, M.D., author of The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness“Full of relatable stories and accessible grounding science, Not What I Expected offers parents validation, empathy, and practical tools. A deeply personal read, readers may feel as if they're sitting with Dr. Eichenstein, who is all at once understanding them, challenging them, and leading them to acceptance and empowerment in their roles as parents.”—Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, co-author of the NY Times bestselling books The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline“At last, a book that speaks directly to parents of children who are atypical, as well as to their teachers. Easily digestible and offering insight, support, warmth, and a touch of humor, Not What I Expected will enhance your parenting toolbox and enrich your parenting life.” --Betsy Brown Braun, MA, Child Development and Behavior Specialist, and bestselling author of Just Tell Me What to Say and You’re Not the Boss of Me “A gem of a book. Dr. Rita Eichenstein has written with remarkable insight and compassion about the rarely focused on problems of the parents and family members of learning disabled or atypical children. A must-read for practitioners as well as parents.” —Marion Solomon, Ph.D., author of Lean On Me and The Wonder Of We In A Culture Of Me “With an enormous amount of experience, and mastery of the atypical brain, Dr. Eichenstein provides a road map for understanding and thriving alongside your atypical child. Not What I Expected is a must-have for any parent who has an atypical child and/or a professional who works with special needs families.” —Dr. Charles Sophy, Psychiatrist and Medical Director for the County of Los Angeles Department of Children and Family Services “Clear, practical and filled with hope, the ideas and practices in this book offer a science-based common sense approach that any parent or practitioner working with an atypical child will be benefit from. What better gift can we give these children!" —Elisha Goldstein, PhD, author of Uncovering Happiness: Overcoming depression with Mindfulness and Self-Compassion “Where other resources are content to focus on a child's condition, Not What I Expected takes the critical next step in guiding parents through these difficult times. And it does this brilliantly, combining clinical rigor with a deep empathy for every member of the family and each one's special challenges. The result is a book that is an indispensable partner for parenting the atypical child and helping families live full, loving lives together.”—Michelle Miller, M.D., Pediatric Cardiologist, Associate Professor of Medicine, Florida State University School of Medicine“An excellent guide that off ers a well-rounded approach and hold s a treasury of great information.” —Lance Steinberg, MD, assistant clinical professor of UCLA (Geff en) NPI and pediatric/adolescent psychopharmacologist “This is a wonderful, well-written book that helps parents of atypical children deal with the wide range of emotions such a parenting journey brings. Ultimately, the book guides parents toward greater self-awareness, mindfulness, and compassion for self and their unique child.” —Lidia Zylowska, MD, psychiatrist, cofounder of the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center, and author of Th e Mindfulness Prescription for Adult ADHD “This is the go-to book for all who are raising atypical children. The genius of the book lies in its relatable vignettes struck through with unique insight and incomparable warmth. Dr. Eichenstein’s experience-based understanding and empathic lens off er all of us parents hope!” —Jan Goldstein, bestselling author and award-winning educator “I urge any parent who is struggling with an atypical child to pick up Not What I Expected. You’ll be fortified to savor the rewards, and sustained to withstand the challenges, in dealing with your surprising,unexpected child.” --Zoë Kessler, B.A., B.Ed., author of ADHD According to Zoë: The Real Deal on Relationships, Finding Your Focus & Finding Your Keys “There's a lot of useful information here and a clear intention to acknowledge parents' struggles… compassionate advice for parents of atypical children.” – Kirkus Reviews
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About the Author
Rita Eichenstein, Ph.D., is a noted psychologist and pediatric neuropsychologist. Renowned in the field of child development and author of the popular blog Positively Atypical! by Dr. Rita Eichenstein, her life’s work has been to reach out, support, and counsel atypical children and their parents. She maintains a private practice in Los Angeles, specializing in learning disabilities, attention deficit disorders, autism spectrum, twice exceptional students and giftedness, in children, teens, as well as college students and graduate students. Sought out for her clinical expertise, Dr. Eichenstein speaks at schools, educational and business conferences, has been cited in NYMetroParents Prevention.com, Scholastic.com, SheKnows.com, and Time Magazine, and is a frequent guest on national, local, and syndicated radio programs across the country.
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Product details
Paperback: 272 pages
Publisher: TarcherPerigee (April 7, 2015)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0399171762
ISBN-13: 978-0399171765
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.7 x 8.3 inches
Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.8 out of 5 stars
25 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#80,315 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Not What I Expected was....not what I expected. The subtitle is "Help and Hope for Parents of Atypical Children," but this book is also great for educators, therapists, physicians, and extended family. I am a gifted education specialist who works with kids who have been identified as "2E," gifted and also facing emotional and/or academic challenges. I have been searching for a book I could share with the parents and teachers of my clients to help them understand both the struggles of the 2E child as well as the struggles associated with raising these atypical children. When you see the previous ratings of five out of five stars, you might assume these are all friends of the author, but I have never met Dr. Eichenstein. This book is a must read for any of us who are raising (or grandparenting) atypical children, teaching atypical children, and/or who are therapists for the parents of atypical children. While most books focus on the children, Dr. Eichenstein focuses on improving the lives of the parents and the relationship between the parent and the child. I was impressed to see the depth and breadth of the strategies, as well as attention to both Western medicine and complementary modalities such as mindfulness. As Dr. Eichenstein reminds the reader, "You are not the cause of your child's condition. But you can sure make it worse." I believe this book has the potential to positively impact the lives of parents with atypical children.
This is a good, comforting book for those of us who need an emotional boost as we raise our special children. My "kid" brother has always been a delicate, emotionally fragile little guy who is a grown man now with an emotional and mental illness. His official diagnosis is chronic schizophrenia. He can be paranoid and delusional at times. My son (the younger of my two adult children) has chronic social anxiety that disables him from holding a job or mixing with people socially. I am my brother's legal guardian. I assist my brother with his housing, handling his rent and buying his clothing and other things he needs. My son lives on his own with only a healthy dependence on the family. He can drive a car, shop for his own groceries, and cook for himself. We occasionally help him with banking. I make sure he has a nice wardrobe for every season.Back when both of my first -degree relatives came into the world, our family was definitely unprepared for them. The title of this book caught my eye. The book does not particularly cover the types of illness that my loved ones deal with, but much of its advice is universal.I also purchased another copy of this book for my daughter-in-law's birthday. She and my older son have a creative, beautiful little girl that they adopted at birth. She is now in elementary school and is seven years old. Just this past year her parents learned through preliminary testing that their daughter has a learning disorder. Most significantly, she has a language-processing delay. This affects her ability to understand what a person tells her. It affects her ability to learn how to read, as well. I have worried that getting through school might be difficult for her. This book helped me sort out some of the concerns I have. My granddaughter is now receiving quality help from special resource teachers who work with her at school. In the summer she continues to get academic help through weekly day camp experiences that she enjoys considerably. I think my daughter-in-law and my son have an excellent handle on what their little girl needs to be successful in school and in life. My granddaughter attends a fine private school in a large city. My daughter-in-law researched schools carefully and picked this one as the best possible match for their daughter and her learning needs. The teachers at this school are well aware of what their students need; from year to year a child gets the benefit of having teachers who collaborate and follow a child's progress through every step of the way down their educational path.I believe that Not What I Expected...has given ME a new start in understanding a child who has an atypical way of looking at the world and discovering how things work. My granddaughter is very creative in discovering and learning things that she is curious about. She certainly thinks outside the proverbial box! My son and daughter-in-law are interested and involved in their daughter's education. They read and research articles and studies that might be of value to their own situation.For my own part, as a grandmother who lives a few hours away, this book provided a nice solid base of support. I feel more comfortable about what lies ahead because of the many relevant chapters that took me behind the scenes of what it's like to learn differently. .
Starting with the play on words on that other popular parenting book, you quickly perceive that Eichenstein is a wonderful, creative neuropsychologist who conveys her compassion for parents starting with the thwarting of their expectations for a healthy, normal child.The predominant theme in this book might be expressed in the saying, “Mourn the child you thought you had, then embrace the one you do.†The author uses the framework of the five stages of grief to give parents the perspective of how their emotions can block them from getting the help their child needs, in spite of their best intentions.However, Eichenstein’s explanations go well beyond a simplistic “time heals everything†understanding of grief. She addresses the raw, honest and dark thoughts and feelings of disappointed parents with respect and compassion. She knows her topic well from her experiences as a neuropsychologist who assesses children with learning differences. She has seen parents be unable to process the bad news, and the suffering that causes to the child and the parents’ relationship with each other.Her frank descriptions reveal the “normal†responses to an unnatural situation: parents claiming that “I was like that when I was a kid†or “It’s just a mild case, no big deal†or even that “righteous anger has amphetamine and analgesic effects†(!). She gives easy-to-understand, demystifying information, including diagnoses of specific learning issues, including obsessive-compulsive disorder and auditory processing disorder, along with the better-known disabilities. She provides practical ways that parents can work through their denial, anger, bargaining and/or depression, moving ultimately into acceptance of their real child — and how they will parent that unique child with joy and pride.Eichenstein recognizes that each parent and family may not go through all of these phases: some get stuck in denial, others bargaining. Using tools such as “boost your tolerance level†(reminders about protein for breakfast, walking or other daily exercise, and adequate sleep), Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), and other traditional and non-traditional therapeutic strategies, she advises parents how they can navigate the pitfalls, frustrations and exhaustion that come with being responsible for an atypical child.Eichenstein’s words are like a soothing companion for suffering families. This book is very well-written and full of proven advise. It is a wonderful perspective to have, to be reminded of all the work that parents are going through. It ends with hope: active acceptance, and the acknowledgement that we have become better people from learning about people who are different.
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